I've sunk a fair amount of time thinking about this as well (therapy) and agree with you completely regarding only being able to control what you do. For adults, I think this also includes listening and acknowledging other's feelings, but not feeling like it's your problem fix the problems that cause them to feel they way they do. If you are like me and ended up having to prioritize your parent's problems over your own, you might do well to read this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Drama-Gifted-Child-Revised/dp/0465.... I'm glad someone else figured this stuff out so I could learn from it!

A somewhat different response is found in "The drama of the gifted child," which argues that gifted children, having been singled out for attention because of their impressive abilities, become dependent on validation from authority figures and then have trouble adapting to self-directed life as an adult: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0465016901