Found in 2 comments on Hacker News
getpost · 2021-05-16
· Original
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It's much worse than the article suggests. The article doesn't explain why people don't marry. People who marry before middle-age often have secure attachment styles. The dating pool from middle age on consists primarily of people with insecure attachment styles. Relationships with insecurely attached people are especially problematic. If you're not married, but want to be, look for widows or widowers with secure attachment styles, and work on developing secure attachment.
https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-You...
https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatm...
The description of the “types” (avoidant, secure, anxious) was very eye-opening, especially while scoring your own “traits” / tendencies / “patterns” for each type. You sorta know what it means when you answer “very likely” to many questions that point to the same type.
As far as I understand, the book is based on this same Attachment theory — it’s a lighter read / introduction to it, but still very good to get the point across. (I didn’t find it as useful to help deal with / compensate for the non-secure type’s thought patterns — not as much as David Burns’ wonderful Feeling Good, for instance)
[0] https://www.amazon.ca/Attached-Science-Attachment-Find-Keep/...