1) Learning about Attachment Theory was a breakthrough; it explains everything about my behavior, relationships, and life choices. It also suggests a method for change and ongoing personal development. Here are some books on Attachment Theory:

Attached https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-You...

A General Theory of Love https://www.amazon.com/General-Theory-Love-Thomas-Lewis/dp/0...

Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair [academic/professional text] https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatm...

2) It's harder to make friends as you get older. Most friendships are built on an ongoing shared experience that is challenging, such as being in school together. Most of my adult-onset friendships are a result of having worked in small startup companies that were struggling to survive. Casual meetings of potential friends are much less likely to generate the energy and commitment for developing a friendship. If you're interested in the research on this, look into the work of Robin Dunbar, e.g.,

Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships https://www.amazon.com/Friends-Robin-Dunbar/dp/1408711737/

It's much worse than the article suggests. The article doesn't explain why people don't marry. People who marry before middle-age often have secure attachment styles. The dating pool from middle age on consists primarily of people with insecure attachment styles. Relationships with insecurely attached people are especially problematic. If you're not married, but want to be, look for widows or widowers with secure attachment styles, and work on developing secure attachment.

https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-You...

https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatm...

(Restatement from a comment I posted previously[0] in a related thread.)

My go-to reference is

Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair by Daniel P. Brown PhD & David S. Elliott PhD. [1]

[0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21739622

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatm...

Yes! I like to think my life (relationships, work performance, hiring, firing, well-being) would have been completely different had I known about and understood attachment theory. (I have only learned about it in the last few years.) For me, it explains nearly everything in psychology that has been unclear or mysterious.

My go-to reference is

Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair by Daniel P. Brown PhD & David S. Elliott PhD. [0]

It's a dry academic text intended for therpists that details the development of therapeutic approaches based on attachment theory, as well as specific treatment protocols for various insecure attachment styles.

Change is possible, as is working with people who have attachment difficulties.

George Haas, a meditation teacher in LA, has developed a way of using Vipassana meditation as a method of self-therapy.[1]

[0] https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatm...

[1] https://www.mettagroup.org/classes#intensives