I think you should learn the relational model (not SQL). Understand the problems it was trying to solve and how the relational model solves them. Then figure out how that applies to your app. Database in Depth was helpful for me http://www.amazon.com/Database-Depth-Relational-Theory-Pract... .

I've never understood why programmers don't love SQL the language.

Many programmers do love SQL. It's not a perfect solution, but it's better than most of the via alternatives.

Anyone that "hates" SQL should be forced to read C.J. Date's Database in Depth, after which, if they still hate SQL, it will at least be for the right reasons.

http://www.amazon.com/Database-Depth-Relational-Theory-Pract...