Thanks! I tried to distill down what was in Difficult Conversations:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004CR6ALA?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_a_con...

I think even a bad difficult conversation is better than no difficult conversation so just giving the managers I work with some tool to compel action is valuable.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie [1] has some very interesting concepts, despite its terrible name, IMO. There are many takeaways but a couple are that people generally like hearing their name and enjoy talking about themselves.

Then there are two very similar, but IMO, complementary books, "Difficult Conversations" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen [2], and "Crucial Conversations" by Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Kerry Patterson [3] which helped me learn to embrace being genuinely curious and accept + explain different, sometimes conflicting, emotions. It was especially helpful to help me deal with people who were very confrontational and tried to create conflict, and really difficult situations while conversing.

There have been some more books I've read, which I don't recall the titles for and don't even have notes for, but these 3 and "Never Split the Difference" you've mentioned were certainly the most interesting and helpful in this "area", to me.

[1]: https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0...

[2]: https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

[3]: https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-...

I hope that helps!

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most - by three researchers at Harvard that have spent over a decade helping resolve challenging interpersonal conflicts. I read in it in my early 20s and have been using the framework they recommend for numerous conversations (even the not difficult ones). It makes for better communication and understanding between parties. Can recommend!

https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

I think since communication is vital to any professional setting, one of the best impact-per-point-of-improvement may at first come from better communication.

A great book that provides a framework for dealing with difficult conversations is Difficult Conversations, written by a team at Harvard that spent years on practicing and refining conflict-resolution.

https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

I keep remembering Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most fondly. I suspect that is where I had come across the most-dense (in good advice) collection of approaches for talking about difficult things with people. I read it in my early 20s and feel like I've been using the recommendations ever since (I'm 36 now). It's written by people involved with the Harvard Negotiation Project after many years of practice with facilitating difficult conversations.

https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

"Difficult Conversations" was a great read —

https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

The basic idea is that in any difficult conversation, there's actually three sub-conversations happening —

(1) What happened?

(2) How do we feel about it?

(3) What are we going to do about it?

A lot of times people get into cross-talk or can't get on the same page because they mix up what sub-conversation they're happening. This can happen when one person gets right into proposing solutions (#3) while another person is still trying to work out why things went the way they did (#1). Likewise, sometimes a conversation around "we really screwed this up" is meant to be a neutral "what happened" conversation (#1) but is taken as a negative or put-down (#2).

Useful book. Very readable and informative.

I would say both. If you had to pick one, go with DC. However, there were some things in CC that I didn't find elsewhere. As an example, it focuses on how a lot of people don't realize they're in a poor/tense conversation until it's too late, and it emphasizes the need to develop the skill to become aware of this.

OTOH, CC attempts to prescribe how to behave are pretty poor. I would not focus too much effort on emulating those.

At first read, all 3 sound like fairly different books. A year after I read them, I was going over all the notes I had made for them, and was surprised to find out that all 3 are mostly saying the same things.

As for the authors:

Difficult Conversations: https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

Crucial Conversations: https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-...

I can highly recommend this book when it comes to preparing for difficult conversations (aptly named "Difficult Conversations"): https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

"Difficult conversations" [1] would be the best direction, to my knowledge. It is written by creators of Harvard Negotiation Project that deals with conflict resolution.

Audiobook version [2] is narrated by authors, and it's great.

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

[2] https://www.audible.com/pd/Difficult-Conversations-Audiobook...

Great post. Your reading list is excellent and I'd add Getting to Yes. I think there are some key elements you left out: (1) the concept of emotional safety and the value of brainstorming (Crucial Conversations), (2) seeing the problem as separate from the people (Getting Past No / Getting to Yes), (3) Negotiating interests, not positions (Getting to Yes).

Here are the links to the reading list (and I added Getting to Yes):

https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-...

https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Lif...

https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Negotiating-Difficult-Si...

https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Wit...

I feel you. I think you'd like Good Authority. Very concrete and actionable on all kinds of management practice:

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Authority-Become-Leader-Waiting/...

If you're looking for office communications, I've heard good things about "Difficult Conversations":

https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

My friend had recommended to me a book called Difficult Conversations: https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

I found this book very helpful in several difficult conversations over the years - https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...

It has quite practical advice as well as a framework helping one navigate.

I've also heard good things about "The Art of Hard Conversations: Biblical Tools for the Tough Talks That Matter" [0] and "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" [1].

Can anyone comment on the relative merits of these articles' / books' approaches?

[0] https://www.amazon.com/Art-Hard-Conversations-Biblical-Matte...

[1] https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143118447/ref=oh_aui_sear...

At least in the U.S. culturally I think we still have a long way to go when it comes to having what some have termed 'difficult conversations'[0]. In essence, confronting people with their behavior but in a way that's respectful and focused on the impact it has on the recipient (me) as opposed to the aggressor. Sure, it may not change their behavior, but processing the experience and the associated emotions - at least in my experience - is more effective than not dealing with them at all.

[0]There's a good book on this subject called "Difficult Conversations": https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...