I am seeing a lot of comments here about depression, though it doesn't ring true to me - the situation you're in is one that myself and a lot of the other comments can understand from our own experience of similar situations and it really does suck. My take is that you're feeling the way you do in response to the situation you find yourself in, and perhaps due to the loss of control and ensuing hopelessness.
As a first step I recommend taking a look at a book called Ikigai [1] (There is some fair criticism of the author taking that japanese word somewhat out of context, but don't let that take away from the key point of the book). It certainly helped me to work out a way to think more about how to find a more rewarding and meaningful career and ultimately life. It's a nice gentle read too.
As a second step, you could seek out a career coach or someone who you can talk to in order to uncover your needs and dreams - they're in there somewhere buddy.
I've only recently taken the second step myself to start learning more about how to feel more meaning in what I am spending a good chunk of my life on. I've found a good coach who has been enormously helpful in asking the right (and difficult) questions at the right time.
Final thought: money matters come up a lot in your post. You don't have to measure yourself in that dimension if you don't want to anymore. You can add a great deal of value to the world without $$$ being the base unit, and/or have a lot of fun!
As a first step I recommend taking a look at a book called Ikigai [1] (There is some fair criticism of the author taking that japanese word somewhat out of context, but don't let that take away from the key point of the book). It certainly helped me to work out a way to think more about how to find a more rewarding and meaningful career and ultimately life. It's a nice gentle read too.
As a second step, you could seek out a career coach or someone who you can talk to in order to uncover your needs and dreams - they're in there somewhere buddy.
I've only recently taken the second step myself to start learning more about how to feel more meaning in what I am spending a good chunk of my life on. I've found a good coach who has been enormously helpful in asking the right (and difficult) questions at the right time.
Final thought: money matters come up a lot in your post. You don't have to measure yourself in that dimension if you don't want to anymore. You can add a great deal of value to the world without $$$ being the base unit, and/or have a lot of fun!
[1]: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ikigai-Japanese-secret-long-happy/d...