If you like davesecretary's stories, you should check out the book of poems "Mother Said" (http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Said-Hal-Sirowitz/dp/0517704978...). Here is one of the poems from the Amazon reviews:

Deformed Finger

  Don't stick your finger in the ketchup bottle,
  Mother said. It might get stuck, &
  then you'll have to wait for your father
  to get home to pull it out. He
  won't be happy to find a dirty fingernail
  squirming in the ketchup that he's going to use
  on his hamburger.  He'll yank it out so hard
  that for the rest of your life you won't
  be able to wear a ring on that finger.
  And if you ever get a girlfriend, &
  you hold hands, she's bound to ask you
  why one of your fingers is deformed,
  & you'll be obligated to tell her how
  you didn't listen to your mother, &
  insisted on playing with the ketchup bottle,
  & she'll get to thinking, he probably won't
  listen to me either, & she'll push your hand away.