It's Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, third edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1892005034

I read the Nonviolent Communication (https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Mar...) book at the recommendation of a counselor a decade or so back and it really changed my life and how I interact with people.

I think as a programmer I am not atypical in that I sometimes struggle with empathy or how people reacted to things I said, but NVC gave me a framework to communicate in a healthier way. This wasn't just something that helped at work, it had an enormous effect on my personal life as well and I credit it to having strong relationships now.

I think the only frustrating piece is sometimes dealing with other who have not read (or do not subscribe) to the same philosophies. It can be very trying to respond to attacks with empathy but in the end that's still always the best strategy.

Highly recommended and not just if you are a manager, if you deal with other human beings at all, read it.

> Um, OK and rewriting history is a tactic favoured by fascists.

We're not rewriting history. Allowing a transgendered person to choose a new name doesn't change the basic facts about what happened. It's just an act of compassion towards someone who would otherwise be suffering from feelings neither you nor I personally experience, but are well documented by scientists.

> Shouldn't it be "Bradley Manning (now called Chelsea)"?

You could say "Chelsea Manning (at the time, 'Bradley')" if you really wanted to refresh people's memories, so long as you consistently refer to her as Chelsea through the rest of the comment/essay/etc.

> I prefer objective to polite.

This is a false dichotomy. You can be both.

https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Mar...

I'll throw out Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication." Call it one framework for listening centered around resolving conflict between individuals and groups.

It provides examples of the kind of active listening and questioning mentioned in the article.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication#Four_... https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Mar...

"Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg was very helpful for me. A great resource about choice of words and the internal assumptions we make when we communicate in certain ways. http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-A-Language-Li...

Here's the fix: don't compare yourself to others - compare your today's self to your tomorrow's self (ie: grow your own abilites instead).

I really suggest reading "Nonviolent Communication" (http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Mars...), which gives a lot of insight on these topics.