maybe I had a flaw in my logic. I was trying to say that if you treat people according to your behavioral preferences (in my case, driving and task focused) then there is a good chance you will actually be introducing tension into the relationship - if they have a different style.

The golden rule is great for matters of ethics (i.e. I shouldn't steal from you), but it can cause tension when we discuss communication behaviors.

This concept shows up in a few books and was made popular by Tony Alessandra.

* http://www.alessandra.com/abouttony/aboutpr.asp

* http://www.amazon.com/People-Smart-Powerful-Techniques-Encou...

* http://www.amazon.com/Personal-Styles-Effective-Performance-...