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Word of caution is that such '5 Why' trains of questions might not dig out the real reason, and will steer you away from the actual problem. Oftentimes inner critic reacts[0] to strong emotions in the present, trying to validate, "fix" or rationalise them, purely because you are not used to working with such strong emotions -- this could be due to upbringing, emotional neglect and some other reasons.

Critic might not be logical at all.

Referenced is an excellent book[0] from a clinical psychologist that has many detailed strategies to dig out the reasons behind critical thoughts and properly reframe them.

0 - Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay;

ttcbj · 2013-01-05 · Original thread
I had a very similar attitude to yours about 6 years ago. I sympathize with your frustration. Although I am not denying that it may be harder for you to find someone, I think your current attitude/self-perspective is not helpful to you.

I highly recommend this book, in absolute seriousness:


It was a real revelation to me. Don't dismiss it as psychobabble-nonsense just yet, buy it for a friday night when you are dateless, then honestly consider what it has to say. If nothing else, it will make you happier while you continue to have limited success dating. Also, when you find a woman who will look past the height thing, you want to be in a healthy place to actually make the relationship work from there.

For what its worth, I married to a truly wonderful, brilliant and amazing woman a few years ago. The person I was before reading that book would not have gotten past the first date with her, and certainly wouldn't have been a good partner in a relationship.

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