This book https://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Peace-Resolving-Heart-Conflic... changed how i look at changing myself and personal development in general, it might help you see things differently.

If it does, I can recommend seeking out an Arbinger trained coach to help you dive deeper into the material.

(Ps. I am super biased being such a coach myself, i took the training to get more self esteem, it worked, and now i want to pass it on to others)