I've dealt with this exact issue in my life before. Here's a few of my recommendations.
If homelessness is an issue, get any income you can. Whatever job you can get to get your bills paid, take out loans, credit cards do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. Every time you go to that job, no matter how you feel about it, tell yourself, this is the first step forward. This is me taking care of myself.
There are a lot of free resources in most cities. Sometimes talking to a social worker is completely free and can be very helpful. Talking to an external non bias source who has "no skin in the game" can be profound.
Somethings to consider:
How much sleep are you getting? If it's on the low side (under 6 hours) this will greatly contribute to depressive thoughts or moods. Typically sleep can move you into better mental health than medication can.
How regular is your sleep? Are you falling asleep/waking up at the same time everyday? If this is varying wildly it will throw your circadian rhythm off and your sleep will be of poorer quality, which will worsen your mood.
How much physical exercise are you getting? Physical exercise has been shown to release a whole range of chemicals that will affect your mood. Try to get at least 20m of rigorous exercise a day no matter what. I prefer in the morning right after waking up. There's less resistance at that time and afterwards you can open yourself up to whatever you want to do with the rest of your day knowing you've taken care of yourself. I prefer yoga specifically this youtuber: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene Her "TRUE" and "DEDICATE" series have helped me greatly both physically and mentally.
Have you considered medication? Most people are very hesitant to go on an antidepressant or mood regulator. There's a lot of stigma that surrounds it. But at the worst you try one for a month and decide its not working and move on. The alternative (suicide) IS FAR WORSE and permanent. Please consider medication prior to any final step. There's a whole range that can be prescribed that can affect you differently, some can make you sleepy after taking them some can make you feel more awake. Talk to your primary care physician. They can typically administer a questionnaire and ask some supplemental questions that will help narrow down what will work for you. Don't let the medical cost be prohibitive. Typically this medication is cheap and can be prescribed after just an initial visit. Also request a full blood work up to check your Vitamin D and B and B12 levels, all these greatly contribute to depressed moods.
Finally I'll recommend a book that has helped me break away from the idea that I am what I feel/how I feel. https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhapp...
I hope this helps. You're not alone. Many have been in your shoes. Take care of yourself friend.
I think it's inappropriate to encourage piracy here.
One legal way to get Jon Kabat-Zinn's material: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhapp...
I think it's inappropriate to encourage piracy here.
One legal way to get Jon Kabat-Zinn's material: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhapp...
We get tired of being unhappy and think about what's wrong, what went wrong, how we got how we got here, etc. and try and think of a solution for our unhappiness.
Trying to think your way out of regretting will not work. Unfortunately, there is no trick or hack that will suddenly stop this cycle of regret cause it to unravel, leaving you happy and satisfied and confident with the decisions you've made.
"The problem is that we try to think our way out of our moods by working out what's gone wrong. What's wrong with me? Why do I always feel overwhelmed? Before we have any idea what's hit us, we're compulsively trying over and over to get to the bottom of what is wrong with us as people or the way we live our lives, and fix it. We put all of our mental powers to work on the problem, and the power we rely on is that of our critical thinking skills.
Unfortunately, those critical thinking skills might be exactly the wrong tools for the job."
What you might want to try is relating differently to these feelings of regret, especially when you notice that your mind is entering these cycles. It is important to realize that this is just a passing feeling.
"But we don't like to feel sad because it can quickly turn into a sense that we are somehow flawed of incomplete; so we call in the intellect to focus on the mismatch between what 'is' and what 'should be.' Because we can't accept the discomfort of the message, we try to shoot the messenger and end up shooting ourselves in the foot."
If the above blocks in quotation marks sound familiar to you, I suggest picking up a copy of the book "The Mindful Way Through Depression"[0]
Full disclosure: I'm reading this book right now, as it was recommended to me by a counselor a few years back. I also am not a psychiatrist (or lawyer, or doctor).
[0]http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Way-through-Depression/dp/...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhap...
It's written by four western doctors, so there's no cultish things here. It's also about the practice of mindfulness in general, not just mindfulness meditation. There's an audio guide to meditation included.
Other books By Jon Kabat-Zinn could also be useful introductions.
Then, pretty much everything by Alan Watts is interesting. He's an excellent speaker and there's tons of his audio lectures available online. Watts has a peculiar way of being able to introduce the listener to very complex information, without being off-putting.
If one want's to read about the benefits of mindfulness meditation, there's a great number of scientific studies done in the past 30 years or so.
It's a practical guide to meditation and dealing with emotions.
watch this video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1424079446171087119..., it's only :45 or so.
read these - take the day off and read them if you need to:
http://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Wisdom-Illness...
http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-through-Depression-Unhappi...
The mindful way through depression: Zindel Segal at TEDxUTSC https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A4w3W94ygA The book that the talk is based on: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhapp...