If you go back and read books like Hackers[0] or The Soul of The New Machine[1] even the cast of characters is weirdly similar. That piece of geography seems to really strongly attract both the Founder and Venture Capitalist personality, who really are misfits most other places.
I suspect the chaos of the last few days is healthy for the system overall because it makes it look risky and possibly not even a payoff. That's not the way it looked 3 years ago.
As a result I suspect people who hang around will build even cooler stuff than we've seen in the previous 3 years.
[0] https://www.amazon.com/Hackers-Computer-Revolution-Steven-Le...
[1] https://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/0316...
https://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/0316...
If you want to do something like this right, the way to do it is the way Data General wanted to do it when IBM, then the 800-pound gorilla of the computer world, entered into DG's minicomputer market. (Which is described in Tracy Kidder's classic book The Soul of a New Machine (https://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/0316...)
The ad they proposed was much simpler -- a full page that said only the following:
They say IBM's entry into minicomputers will legitimize the market.
The bastards say, welcome.
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/03164...
- Hackers : http://www.amazon.com/Hackers-Computer-Revolution-Anniversar...
- The Soul of a New Machine: http://www.amazon.com/The-Soul-A-New-Machine/dp/0316491977
- Show Stopper! : http://www.amazon.com/Show-Stopper-Breakneck-Generation-Micr...
- Dealers of Lightning: http://www.amazon.com/Dealers-Lightning-Xerox-PARC-Computer/...
- Where Wizards Stay Up Late: http://www.amazon.com/Where-Wizards-Stay-Up-Late/dp/06848326...
[0] http://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/03164...
1/ uncertain & dark the days of building a business are 2/ you're at the mercy of randomness (despite having a strong sense of agency)
In that sense, a few books that tell you that darkness is a rite of passage for building great companies would be
1/ Soul of a New Machine - http://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder-ebook/dp...
2/ Fooled by Randomness - http://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Markets-Incer...
3/ Coders at Work - http://www.amazon.com/Coders-Work-Reflections-Craft-Programm...
4/ The Innovators - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21856367-the-innovators
5/ The Hard thing about hard things - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18176747-the-hard-thing-...
6/ Are your lights on? - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11221270-are-your-lights...
[1] http://www.amazon.com/The-Soul-A-New-Machine/dp/0316491977
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/03164...
Stealing The Network: How to Own the Box. This is a collection of fictional accounts of "hacking" written by hackers. Real world techniques are described though its in lightweight detail, the aim of the book is more to give an insight into how an attacker thinks. It's quite an enjoyable read too.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stealing-Network-How-Own-Cyber-Ficti...
Kingpin: How One Hacker Took Over the Billion-Dollar Cybercrime Underground by Kevin Poulsen. This one's a true story.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kingpin-Hacker-Billion-Dollar-Cyberc...
Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software By Charles Petzold. I still have to read this one, but I expect it would fit in with what you're after quite well.
http://www.amazon.com/Code-Language-Computer-Hardware-Softwa...
Which is a rebuttal to something I didn't actually say, but OK.
Look, obviously there are all different kinds of programmers. Millions and millions of people program computers today, so there's no end to the ways you can slice them apart. There are kernel programmers and GUI programmers, mainframe programmers and mobile programmers, Lisp programmers and BASIC programmers, elite programmers and n00b programmers.
But they are all programmers, was my point. They all do the work of wrestling with, as one of the people in Tracy Kidder's classic The Soul of a New Machine (http://www.amazon.com/The-Soul-A-New-Machine/dp/0316491977) called it, "La Machine."
In this respect, being a programmer is a lot like being a coal miner: you become one by doing the work. Sure, some miners are handier with a pickaxe than others, and some can stand being down in a dark hole for longer. But regardless of that, everyone who puts on a hard hat with a lamp on it and goes into the mountain is a coal miner. The only thing you have to do to earn the designation is show up and do the work.
Now for the part of my comment where I (respectfully) challenge your conclusions.
You want to divide "programmers" further, into (essentially) "programmers," who are lazy 9-to-5 stumblebums, and "REAL programmers," who code with burning fury 23.5 hours a day (the other .5 hours they spend on HN). And then tell the people outside the "REAL programmers" category that, sure, they're "programmers," but they're not programmer programmers.
But that has a value judgment embedded in it, namely that 23.5-hour-a-day Burning Fury programming is Good Programming, and 9-to-5 programming is Bad Programming. But those positions aren't good or bad, they're just embraces of different sets of tradeoffs. You note yourself that the Burning Fury programmer sacrifices her health and relationships to get to that level. The 9-to-5 person is just someone who has decided against making that sacrifice. Maybe that limits their career growth, but it lets them hold on to those things. Maybe you've decided to let those things go in order to accomplish more in your work.
And both those decisions are fine! I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. I'm just saying that your way of being a programmer is not the only way of being a programmer. There are lots of ways to be a programmer. The only thing they all require is that you do the work.
Another couple of possibilities might be:
The Soul of a New Machine - Tracy Kidder
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/03164...
The Cuckoo's Egg: Tracking a Spy Through the Maze of Computer Espionage - Clifford Stoll
http://www.amazon.com/Cuckoos-Egg-Tracking-Computer-Espionag...
Hackers & Painters - Paul Graham (yes, that Paul Graham)
http://www.amazon.com/Hackers-Painters-Big-Ideas-Computer/dp...
Tracy Kidder's The Soul of a New Machine might be good for your friend.
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/03164...
Another good option might be Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software by Charles Petzold.
http://www.amazon.com/Code-Language-Computer-Hardware-Softwa...
Or, how about Coders at Work?
http://www.amazon.com/Coders-Work-Reflections-Craft-Programm...
Another one that I have (but haven't had time to read yet) is Dreaming in Code: Two Dozen Programmers, Three Years, 4,732 Bugs, and One Quest for Transcendent Software by Scott Rosenberg. It might have something that your friend would find interesting.
http://www.amazon.com/Dreaming-Code-Programmers-Transcendent...
Another one that may be inspirational, although it's more about personalities than computer science per-se, would be Steven Levy's Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution.
http://www.amazon.com/Hackers-Computer-Revolution-Steven-Lev...
It's the story of a team of engineers building a new minicomputer, back in the late 70s. I couldn't put it down. He manages to make the politics interesting and the technical details simple.
Founders at Work is also great but in some ways more of a business book. If you want to do a startup it is incredibly inspirational.
Another oldie but goodie is Tracy Kidder's Soul of a New Machine. http://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/03164...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Computer-Called-LEO-Worlds-Office/dp...
"The Soul of a New Machine" by Tracy Kidder
Drags a bit in places, but is still interesting in a history type way. It's the story of Data General building a 32-bit minicomputer in a year in the 1970s.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/031...
Soul of a New Machine is a great non-fiction but reads like a fiction account of trying to overtake the Vax by building one of the first 32-bit machines https://www.amazon.com/Soul-New-Machine-Tracy-Kidder/dp/0316...
A Biography of the Pixel https://www.amazon.com/Biography-Pixel-Leonardo-Alvy-Smith/d... great overview of the innovation and math that pushed graphics forwrard
The Information: A History, A Theory, A Flood https://www.amazon.com/Information-History-Theory-Flood/dp/1... walks through information theory and how we got to the internet
Dealers of lightning: https://www.amazon.com/Dealers-of-Lightning-audiobook/dp/B00... how a lot of modenr computing grew out of Xerox