Found in 2 comments on Hacker News
NegatioN · 2016-10-21 · Original thread
Since we're now wandering in to "pick-up artist" territory, it is actually often argued that "coming from a place of abundance" is one of the key factors. In other words, you like hanging out with the woman, and you will entertain her and yourself by being yourself. However you will not do any of these things from an ulterior motive of taking her home, you simply take actions guiding the outcome towards that if you feel like it. Otherwise you are perfectly content to enjoy the moment, as it is.

And if it doesn't work out, you're perfectly fine with that as well. Your mental state is undamaged, and you're not signaling lack of value because you fall into desperation when "the only woman" (the one you worked so hard for!) you're with is leaving.

I would argue (probably strongly influenced by others, RSDTyler mainly [1]), that it is easier to be "false confident" as a "jerk", and signal abundance in that way, than to have true confidence based in the actions you take every day, and the life that you live. That is why we've seen this stereotype of the jerk getting the girl. However this jerk might not be a good fit for a relationship (and neither is the "nice guy" sucking up to the girl with an ulterior motive), as they will not be able to stay centered and confident over a longer period of time.

However it is probably easier to detect the "nice guy" and weed him out, than the jerk, as that more closely resembles true confidence.

Interestingly enough, having true confidence means you kinda come full-circle and end up being a person with clearly defined boundries and probably a clear driving force in your life. Thereby turning into a more interesting person, and a better "mating partner".

Interesting sources:


[2]: The most engaged, but least attached:

endtime · 2012-12-28 · Original thread
I recommend The Way of the Superior Man ( My roommate lent it to me after an ugly breakup. The title is a little silly (I certainly wouldn't describe myself as "spiritual") and I don't agree with every word of it, but after reading this book I finally felt like I understood women and relationships, and I met my now-wife a few months after reading it. I doubt I would have gotten her without it.

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