You may need both therapy and experience. I have no idea if this is the case, but maybe you’ve had a rough time with things and you just think it’s normal since being tough and just continuing on no matter how hard it gets is just a way of life. I also grew up a rural farmer in the country, and it took me over 10 years to find out the thing I had been struggling with was result of a combination of factors including various “traumatic” experiences (chronic, acute, vicarious) that previously I just overlooked and didn’t think much of. If you still don’t want therapy [1] might be helpful, again idk your situation, but for me it was very helpful.
Regarding “professional” type stuff it’s for coding, it’s really no different than building something to last and be reliable on the farm, and you get comfortable with it over time. For example instead of duct taping or hastily wiring something up, sometimes you really need to take some time and measure properly, cut, weld ect.
Since you’re still a student, one option you might consider is looking for an internship (remote), you’ll still get paid and the expectation is that you don’t have experience to all the stuff they don’t teach you in school (logging ect).
Another thing you can consider is maybe see how you can build some tech for the farm and even try to sell it or let some other farmers use it for free. You can get creative like use sensors/actuators, arduino/pi, data from your equipment, data from your vendors, satellite or drone imagery, robotics, integrate with a database or mobile app or your existing equipment. Then as you encounter problems and fix them, you’ll start getting interested in all those things like logging and unit testing, CI/CD, ect to make your system more reliable. Especially if you or others begin to actually depend on it. It will become one of those things you are building to last. That will give you something to boost your confidence and discuss during interviews, even if you make no money or little actual value from it. There is also the chance it can be a nice little side hustle or even bigger opportunity, you never know.
Regarding “professional” type stuff it’s for coding, it’s really no different than building something to last and be reliable on the farm, and you get comfortable with it over time. For example instead of duct taping or hastily wiring something up, sometimes you really need to take some time and measure properly, cut, weld ect.
Since you’re still a student, one option you might consider is looking for an internship (remote), you’ll still get paid and the expectation is that you don’t have experience to all the stuff they don’t teach you in school (logging ect).
Another thing you can consider is maybe see how you can build some tech for the farm and even try to sell it or let some other farmers use it for free. You can get creative like use sensors/actuators, arduino/pi, data from your equipment, data from your vendors, satellite or drone imagery, robotics, integrate with a database or mobile app or your existing equipment. Then as you encounter problems and fix them, you’ll start getting interested in all those things like logging and unit testing, CI/CD, ect to make your system more reliable. Especially if you or others begin to actually depend on it. It will become one of those things you are building to last. That will give you something to boost your confidence and discuss during interviews, even if you make no money or little actual value from it. There is also the chance it can be a nice little side hustle or even bigger opportunity, you never know.
Good luck
[1] Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic: How Trauma Works and How We Can Heal From It https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Invisible-Epidemic-Works-Heal/...