Reads like: - I got burned by fire. - Now I do not use fire at my house, I don't need it. - But now, you also cannot cook or warm yourself.

I think you may be missing on some important things be staying alone. Humans are social beings, social capital is also a thing. Being alone is good when you are young and healthy, when you get older and have a health issue (hopefully not) it may be a devastating experience when no one visits you in the hospital.

I am a single now, but I don't want it to stay this way forever. It would be kind of sad for me to spend my older days alone. Also I want to have a child, after all it may be my best contribution to the world (my code would probably be all gone in next 15 years).

I can recommend you this book as a starting point: https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Understanding-Resil... It helped me understand some of my issues.