"I have realized I often behave first, and then come up with the narrative to understand my own behavior." -> I recall a book https://www.amazon.com/Why-Everyone-Else-Hypocrite-Evolution... that explores the same concept; and one of the thesis there is that, using the analogy of a government for a brain, we like to think that our conscious internal monologue is the president in charge, but actually it's more like a press secretary observing and describing events and decisions after they've been made; our rational brain is literally rationalizing our actions, eagerly inventing reasons why we did when it doesn't want to disclose the real reason (like our politicians do) or when it can't know the real reason (for e.g. split brain patients). Our conscious self is usually not in charge - it can influence and nudge our actions, it can make plans, but it's ultimately up to the other parts of our brains whether the plan will be followed or we'll do something else.

People actually suck at (a) knowing when they are being an asshole, and (b) not interpreting anything that doesn't benefit them as hostile to them. @see Why Everyone (Else) Is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind, by Kurzban. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Everyone-Else-Hypocrite-Evolution...